Can you get your ex back after six months? What about three months? How about a year? What is the timeframe for getting your ex back?

I know you feel panicked and impatient, but the truth is that there is no hard and fast rule on how many months it will take to get your ex back. But this is because of the number of influential factors involved.

So, instead of asking about a specific timeframe, let’s look at those factors and see how you can influence his desire to come back to you. Let’s toss that number out the window and have an intelligent discussion on the how and not the when.

can you get your ex back after six months

Who Left?

The first factor to consider is who left whom. The answer will have some influence on the timeframe, but not a lot.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months if He Left You?

If he left you, we must look at his reasons, which you might not really know. Oh, sure, he gave you some reasons, most of them blaming you I’m sure, but those aren’t the real reasons.

Men leave for a few key reasons:

  • He’s going through something very emotional like a divorce, the loss of a close loved one, etc.
  • He feels suffocated
  • A feeling of being unappreciated
  • He’s afraid he isn’t good enough for you
  • Incompatibility
  • No emotional connection
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Emotional or physical abuse

Now, let’s look at each of these and what it means for your future.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months if He’s Going Through Something Heavy?

Men aren’t often raised to be fully in touch and comfortable with their emotions. It isn’t socially acceptable, or at least it wasn’t.

If your guy is going through something that he finds emotionally difficult, he might need to retreat for a while to work through it. Sometimes, if a guy’s divorce is heating up, he’ll exit any current relationship so he can get things from his past settled.

Other difficult things for men might include losing someone very close, like a parent or sibling, or even a favorite pet. Again, his answer might be to leave the relationship so he can appropriately deal with what’s going on.

For a man, in either of those scenarios, there may be responsibilities he needs to manage, like establishing custody of his children or navigating a new living arrangement. In the event of a death, he may need to deal with estate or financial issues.

Give this guy time. Don’t go around behind him begging him to come back. It’s just adding more emotion to an already difficult emotional situation, plus it makes you look needy and that’s never a good look on someone.

Go about your life and do things to grow your confidence. Even the most confident people never stop building it. Get into a new workout routine. Find a hobby. Join a cooking class. Get back into girls’ night with your friends.

The odds are in your favor here if you let him sort through things. Also, in this instance, if you know this is why he left, it’s okay to touch base every now and then. “Hey Joe, I just wanted you to know I’m here for you if you need anything.”

He Feels Suffocated

Being too clingy with a guy is a sign of low confidence. Jealousy often rears its ugly head in these situations too.

These behaviors come from a place of wondering why such a great guy wants to be with you. You don’t feel you deserve such a great guy and you’re always afraid he’ll leave. Because you’re afraid, you cling to and distrust him.

The problem is that this clingy and jealous behavior is driving him away, not bringing him closer. This issue is about you and it’s up to you to prove to him in the future that you’ve pulled your act together.

Take some time away from worrying about getting him back and work on yourself. The best thing you can do is walk through the five steps on this website, and pay particular attention to step three: Rebuild your confidence. But don’t skip to step three, do steps one and two first!

The first thing to do to get him back is to understand how he viewed you. He saw you as an annoyance. Something he couldn’t shake off even with his best efforts.

Next, build your confidence. It’s time for you to understand that you’re a wonderful woman who deserves a great guy. You don’t believe that right now if you’re clingy.

Give him time. Do not chase him. Put yourself in no contact for a few weeks. Don’t even think about him. This time is about you. He’s feeling resentful and bad about your relationship, and he needs time to overcome those feelings.

This time is about reclaiming your own life. Get back into your hobbies or find new ones. Start living your new, confident life and be proud.

can you get your ex back after six months

He Doesn’t Feel Appreciated

You like to feel appreciated, right? You love the compliment about the dinner you slaved over for two hours?

Well men like appreciation too. Nobody, and I mean nobody likes to be taken for granted. Additionally, when a guy does something for you, he’s showing his love for you. For that to go unappreciated is a stab to the gut.

Getting this guy back will be tougher because in his eyes, his love was rejected. So many relationships end because men and women misunderstand these signs of love. It’s important to appreciate the things your guy does for you.

After you’ve given him time to cool off, like a few weeks or so, you can try the slip-in/slip-out method of reaching out to him. You’ll do it a little differently than you would otherwise. Instead of just tweaking a memory, you’ll tweak and appreciate.

“Hey Joe, I was just admiring that shelf you built in my office. You really did a great job! I hope all is well with you.”

Appreciation!

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months if He’s Afraid He Isn’t Good Enough for You?

This time, the confidence issue is his to deal with but know this too. We draw people to us who are most like us, so if he lacks confidence, odds are you do too.

He might not have shown the clingy signs you read about above, but that doesn’t mean he’s confident.

You might not be able to get this guy back because you can’t force him to work on his confidence or make any changes at all.

And no, you don’t reach out to him and tell him he has confidence issues.

The job you have is to work on your own confidence, which most likely needs some work.

Take some time in between dating to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem. Work on believing that you deserve a great guy because you do.

If, by chance, he does work on his confidence while you’re working on yours, you may have a chance to get back together.

But, and this is a biggie, if neither of you does anything to build confidence and improve yourselves, you’ll never enjoy a successful relationship together, or with anyone else for that matter.

You’re Incompatible

Sometimes, love isn’t enough. If you find yourselves incompatible, there isn’t much that can be done.

For example, if you discover that he wants to travel the world and not have kids, but you want a house full of kids, you’re incompatible. Of course, one of you can change your mind, but be careful that you’re doing it for the right reason.

If that mother hood desire is really pulling at you, giving up on that for him may cause you to feel resentful later. You know now that he doesn’t want kids. Hoping you can change his mind isn’t fair to either of you.

A Real Life Example

Ken and Kelly met when Kelly was almost eighteen. Ken was twenty. He liked her enough that he waited until she turned eighteen to date her. As things got more serious, Ken made it clear that he didn’t want children. He was a child of what he felt was an unhappy marriage and he didn’t want to put his kids through that. He also had social anxiety and didn’t want to pass that on to his kids.

Kelly continued to date him, her desire for kids still strong. Ultimately, Ken caved and they tried to have a baby, but it turned out Kelly had trouble conceiving so they did a round of drug therapy and sure enough, Kelly was pregnant – with twins!

Ken spent the first eighteen months of their lives dismissing his responsibility by saying “I never wanted them.”

The twins are now twelve years old and he’s become a great dad. He works three twelve-hour shifts and is a stay-at-home dad the rest of the time, attending softball games, driving to orthodontist appointments, and repairing bicycles when needed. He adores his girls, one of whom is a clone of him – curious with a lot of anxiety.

Luckily, he can relate to her struggles and is able to help her more than if he was clueless to what she’s going through.

It took Ken about four years to really want to be a dad. Yes, he agreed to the pregnancy, but I’m fairly certain he would have been happy either way. He loves those girls now, but I don’t know if it was worth the risk Kelly took.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months if You Have No Emotional Connection

The emotional connection you develop in a relationship is crucial to long-term success. You can have chemistry, but that isn’t an emotional connection. It’s more like lust.

When you have an emotional connection, you’re comfortable sharing your feelings, exposing your vulnerabilities, and trying to understand one another on a deeper level.

It’s not just about deep conversations; it’s a feeling that you’re safe and cared for. It’s knowing that he’s listening and being willing to listen when he’s sharing.

When you have an emotional connection:

  • You see him smiling at you genuinely and your smiles are genuine too – it’s the ‘she lights up the room’ feeling
  • You have shared laughter moments – inside jokes, silly experiences you’ve shared, and so on
  • The two of you have a fundamental sense of trust, feeling safe to open up and share those vulnerabilities
  • You are comfortable sitting in silence; you don’t feel the anxious need to fill that silence with worthless conversation
  • The two of you feel comfortable having open and honest conversation; there are no secrets
  • You understand one another’s nonverbal cues, like facial expressions, gestures, and so on

If this is missing for you, learn how to be an active listener. Work on learning how to be more open and honest with people. This may require a therapist to learn why you can’t trust people. You can also practice empathy – understanding and feeling what others are going through so you can be there.

Other things you may need to develop:

  • Ability to be vulnerable
  • An understanding of what quality time is and how to use it
  • Learn to be more appreciative of the things he does
  • Ask for feedback

You can try this last one if you choose to reach out. Ask him what he thinks went wrong.

can you get your ex back after six months

Lack of Intimacy

People confuse sex with intimacy, but I can clear that up very quickly. Hookups are all about sex and only sex and there is no intimacy in a hookup.

Intimacy develops in the small shared moments. The time you got caught in the rain during a hike and had to hide under a big tree. The first time you went apple picking together or the first time you met.

You might not realize it at the time, but when you’re doing things together (non-sexual things), you’re building intimacy. Those intimate moments become very strong bits of glue that bond you together and increase the chances you can get him back later.

If you feel your relationship had those moments of intimacy, you have a better chance of getting him back because you can use the slip-in/slip-out method you learn about in Step 4 of the Five Steps to Get Him Back.

If those moments of intimacy aren’t there, you’ll have to put that high on your priority list if you are able to get him back by following the five steps.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months if There Was Emotional or Physical Abuse?

I’m sorry, but if you were in an abusive relationship, regardless of who was the abusive one, then you should not get him back.

Sadly, your chances of getting him back are probably better here than in any of the other situations, but the danger and risk is too great. This is not now, nor was it ever a healthy relationship.

This is a relationship you must let go of, and you must seek professional help. If you were abused, then seek counsel on why you fell victim to this type of man and how to be stronger. If you are the abuser, then you need professional help to learn how to control your anger and to determine where it’s coming from so you can break the cycle.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months if You Left?

Women leave for a couple of the same reasons as men:

  • Incompatibility
  • Emotional or physical abuse

Women also have other reasons. See if any of these feel familiar.

You Feel Your Needs Aren’t Being Met

This often boils down to a lack of communication. A man in love is more than willing to meet the needs of his partner, in fact, it’s often how he shows his love.

But if he doesn’t know what those needs are, he can’t meet them. It might be that you’re afraid to be vulnerable with him, and that’s understandable, but as you grow closer, you should feel more comfortable doing this.

If this scares the heck out of you, it might be time to seek some professional help to understand the underlying problem. It’s possible that in the past, you’ve been punished in some way for being vulnerable and you’re now afraid to do so.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months if There Was a Lack of Communication

This should really say a lack of understanding how men communicate and vice versa. Men and women are different in many ways, and communication is at the top of that list. It’s often this misunderstanding that causes the real problem, not the lack of communication.

Women like to use many words, and their words sometimes carry emotion. Men use few words, and they make those words count. Men are efficient with their words and they choose the most precise words to convey what they want to say.

When little girls play, they use language to build relationships with the other little girls. When little boys play, they rarely speak. This is why boys often have language issues early in their school careers.

Little boys are more likely to grunt at one another than to use words.

As we grow up, those differences don’t go away. Also, since women’s words sometimes carry emotion, it’s even more difficult for a man to understand, since emotion is something men aren’t raised to deal with. It feels like this is changing – I hope it’s true.

So, you send your guy a text that is twelve lines long. He looks at that, rolls his eyes up in his head and thinks oh boy, what’s she on about now? He’ll avoid looking at and dealing with this text for quite some time, and when he does reply, I’ll bet you it’s less than five words.

Now you’re annoyed, first at the delay, and secondly, that he didn’t give you twelve lines back.

He’s never going to give you twelve lines of text and he’s rarely going to respond right away.

In my book, Text Him This, Not That, you can learn how to circumvent these problems.

Lack of Support

If you feel that your partner isn’t there for you, you may feel a lack of support. Other ways you may feel unsupported include:

  • Having your feelings dismissed
  • Feeling unheard, as if he’s just not listening
  • Having your goals and dreams criticized or dismissed
  • Not having him there, physically or emotionally during those difficult times in your life
  • Feeling alone, even though you’re in a relationship

In the future, communication will be key to feeling heard and supported by your partner. If you find that he’s unresponsive to your needs after you communicate them, he isn’t the right guy for you.

A guy who cares will want to be supportive but sometimes guys just miss the cues. In those cases, it isn’t because we don’t want to be supportive, it’s because we don’t realize we aren’t being that person for you.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months If You’re Feeling Like You Can’t Be Yourself?

When we meet someone new, men and women alike, we try to put a best foot forward, sometimes to the point of no longer being ourselves.

It’s natural to try to be the best version of yourself when meeting someone new, but not to the point that you aren’t yourself anymore.

You want someone to love you for who you really are, so make sure that’s the person you present to anyone new.

It can also happen when a guy wants you to be someone he envisions and he gaslights you into becoming someone you aren’t. He may want you to wear different clothing or have your hair a certain way. Maybe he doesn’t want you to work or wants you to have a more prestigious career.

I know it’s scary to show your true self to a guy you really find attractive, but no matter how cute he is, if you can’t be yourself, the relationship is doomed.

Instead, be yourself. Wear that tie dye skirt on your first date. Don’t pack away those hiking boots, instead, invite him out for a hike and show him your favorite trail.

Give him a chance to get to know the real you and if he doesn’t like it, it’s his loss!

Beneath the surface, this is also a low-confidence move so also work on building your confidence so that you’re more comfortable being your true self.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months if You’ve Been in a Power Struggle

If you’re an alpha female dating an alpha male, you’ve most likely found yourself in a power struggle or two. There are ways to be successful in this type of relationship if you know how to approach it.

Be Open About Your Needs & Expectations

Great communication is the key to any great relationship, as you may have already determined. Two alphas must be clear with one another on their needs, desires, and expectations.

Be Competitive, But Not Rivals

Create healthy ways to challenge one another without creating a rivalry. Men love challenge. Challenge him in the grocery store by giving him his own cart and half of the list. Last one to the register pays for dinner.

Share Important Decisions

Allow both of your voices to be heard when important decisions are at hand. Allow for compromise, not one person running over the other. If you have difficulty reaching a decision, let it rest for a little while and give yourselves time to think about the other person’s perspective.

Set Boundaries

With two dominant personalities, boundaries are more important than ever. This keeps one of you from becoming more dominant or using manipulation to get what you want. By setting boundaries, you are essentially creating ground rules by which you treat one another.

Recognize One Another’s Strengths

You probably each have strengths in different areas. Acknowledge and recognize those strengths and determine how you can use both of your strengths to complement one another instead of using them against one another.

You two may have a chance of getting back together if you can calmly and without competition or animosity discuss the issue.

You Grew Apart

This happens in relationships all of the time, especially if both partners are low-confidence and one grows more confident. This can make the partner who isn’t growing feel threatened and less sure of themselves.

It can also happen when your life circumstances change. Kids leave the nest. Major job changes occur, and all of a sudden, you may find yourselves wanting different things out of life.

If this is why you left, there may no reconciliation because you just each have grown in different directions. You don’t want to sacrifice who you are just to get him back.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months? How Long Do You Wait?

Regardless of who initiated the breakup, you need to give things some time. There is no set amount of time to wait. It’s more about going through the five steps on my website. What I do recommend is that you go through the Five Step Process intentionally, and not in a hurry.

Within those five steps, you’ll learn why trying immediately to get him back won’t work and might actually prolong the process.

Can You Get Your Ex Back After Six Months Wrap Up

Getting back together with an ex is, under most circumstances, not impossible. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you want the second try to be successful. If you do, then it’s important to go through those steps and read carefully.

Ultimately, the answer to your question, can you get your ex back after six months, is yes.

You've read about the five step process to get him back on this website, but there's more...So...Much...More!
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