Searching for articles on how to save your marriage is no fun because it means something bad is happening.

You argue constantly. The sex has been gone for months or even years.

Counseling hasn’t worked, or he won’t go. Admitting you’re wrong and trying harder hasn’t worked either.

You’re getting desperate.

You’re asking how to save your marriage when one wants out.

Well, desperate times calls for drastic measures. Measures that will hit him like a freight train.

I’ve got five ways to save your marriage for you today, but they require confidence and the willingness to accept that you have lost him already.

Yes, you have lost him already! You’re just going through the slow, agonizing process of breaking up.

But there is hope from pros like me who understand the male mind, how it works, and how to turn the tables.

I wrote the number one best-selling book on How to Get Your Ex Back Fast. But, the five steps below are similar to what you’ll find in my new book, X Back: The Five Step Process to Get Him Back.

But, since you haven’t lost him completely yet, there are a few variations.

Five Ways to Save Your Marriage

Step 1 | Step Out and Create Your New Story

This is the hardest and most important step because it’s going change tomorrow morning both of you.

Change is scary!

Step out means that you are breaking away by going aloof from your husband, to the best of your ability.

Stepping out means one of two things.

You remain in the same house while you save your marriage or one of you moves out of the family home, thus physically separating yourselves from one another.

Either way, your new live includes joining your friends and family on your down time. Revive relationships you may have let go in lieu of your relationship. Pursue old hobbies or find new ones. Rediscover yourself.

Revive your social life or start a new one! If you don’t have a social network in place then it’s time to develop one.

Break your routine and create your new story. Join a gym for your health and confidence.

Don’t argue with him. instead, just walk away. Treat him with kindness and with respect – almost like he’s just a good roommate.

This will leave him confused and wondering what you are up to and why you aren’t doting on him like you were before.

Stay busy, get you out of your comfort zone and rebuild your confidence. You’ll instantly become more interesting, more challenging, more mysterious, and happier. You may even meet new men to pursue, should your marriage end for good.

Change is in the air; you’re creating your new story and he’s noticing!

save your marriage

Step 2 to Save Your Marriage | Rein in Your Emotions

Now that you’ve stepped out, it’s time to calm your emotions and settle your mind.

You can’t assess the relationship until your emotions are in control.

Is this easy? Heck no! Especially if you’re still living together. Therefore, it’s best to separate inside your own house or apartment if you can and spend as much time away from the house as possible.

Step 3 | Assess the Relationship

Now that you have more confidence you should be able to look at things with a clear head. What role are you playing in the soon-to-be divorce? How can you fix it?

Were you too available?

Were you to clingy?

What role is he playing?

Is it worth fixing?

Should you walk away?

After stepping out and reining in emotions, you’d be surprised how many women decide they don’t want to save their marriage. They were just hanging on for the kids or because they had nothing else in their lives but a lousy relationship with their husband.

Well, now you do. You have new friends and a vibrant social life to fall back on. And he knows it. He knows that the girl he fell for in the beginning is stronger than ever. The challenge and mystery is back.

save your marriage

Step 4 to Save Your Marriage | Toy with His Psyche

Ah the fun part! You’re just getting a taste of this here. There’s an entire chapter devoted to it in the X Back book.

The way this works is multi-fold. First, you show off the new you. This is easy because you are technically still together, so he can see you growing stronger before his eyes. Thriving even.

And you are doing it all with style. You’re at the gym getting in the best shape of your life. You are dressing differently; you have new friends and your hair is different too.

Your husband is going nuts. He was divorcing you and now you are acting like it’s the other way around. Suddenly, the two important elements of any relationship are back – mystery and challenge!

Remember, you’re doing this for, not him; he’s just along for the ride.

Step 5 | Reconciliation

I call this The Shift. It’s the moment when your husband is ready to discuss things. This is the moment when all your hard work comes to fruition. He sees what he has before him and it’s not a clingy woman begging to get him back!


It’s the woman he fell for years ago!

The shift signals the moment when you regain the power, and you can state your needs.

Let him know what changes you plan to make and what you need from him to move forward happily together.

Wrap Up to Save Your Marriage

Will he really come around after taking these steps to save your marriage? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on how many great memories you created together and if he is healthy enough to love.  

What these steps will do? They’ll give you your best odds of saving your marriage.

Remember, I’ll argue that you have lost him already if you are reading this article. A woman’s intuition is rarely wrong.

It’s a win/win situation that you are embarking on. You either save your marriage or you move on with confidence and options!

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