Is it worth fixing a broken relationship? Is he worth getting back? In Step Two of the Five Steps to Get Him Back, you assess the relationship.
There are many aspects to assessing your relationship so let’s dive right in!
Is He Willing to Try?
Does he act as if he’s trying to improve himself or work on what happened between you? Has he agreed to counseling, only to ditch the sessions? Did he say he would spend more time with you, only to bail on you later?
These are all things men do when they care about you and your relationship. They work on themselves; they agree to seek help and they spend time with you. Men’s actions and words often don’t align so what do you do? You pay attention to his actions because those tell the truth.
Is it worth fixing a broken relationship if he isn’t willing to try? No, it isn’t. You can find a guy who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
Is He an Addict?
I understand you want to be there to help him get over his addiction, but first let me ask you, does he want to get better, or do you want him to get better? It doesn’t matter if it’s drugs, alcohol, gambling, or pornography. An addiction is an addiction and if the addicted person doesn’t want to get better, they won’t.
If your ex is an addict who is willing to seek help, your job becomes to allow him to do so, on his own. Overcoming an addiction takes months and it is a solo activity. You can promise to be there when he recovers, but he needs this time to himself.
On the other hand, if your ex is an addict who doesn’t want to get better, the answer to is it worth fixing a broken relationship is no, it isn’t.
Regardless of what’s wrong in a man’s life, you can’t fix it for him, no matter how much you want to. He must want to fix it and then take on the job of fixing by himself. If he needs your help, he will ask for it.
Is it Worth Fixing a Broken Relationship? | Are You Compatible?
While you may love one another, sometimes it isn’t enough. It’s okay to have differences, healthy even, to a degree, but when those differences start to come between you, there’s a problem that can’t be fixed. Here are a few examples:
- Introvert to enjoys staying home and watching tv or doing solitary activities and an extrovert who thrives on being around other people
- An outdoorsy person who loves nature and being outside and in indoor type who dislikes being outdoors and prefers to be inside
- Someone with a fear of flying and someone who wants to travel the world
- A person who takes a suck it up and deal mentality and someone who wants to be taken care of when they’re ill or injured
While these seem like things you should be able to work through, if you can’t find common ground, it can stop you from fixing a broken relationship. Things like this start to add up, especially if combined with other issues.
Part of being together and building intimacy is spending time together, but if you view how you enjoy spending time so differently, it becomes a challenge to build that intimacy.
Intimacy isn’t the same as sex. You can absolutely have sex without developing any intimacy between you. That comes through shared, meaningful experiences and draws you closer. If you still doubt me, think about any casual hookups you had in the past. There was no intimacy.
You can be friends with this guy, but you’re not going to work as a couple.
Bad Things Have Been Said
I just spoke to a woman last weekend whose husband desperately wants her to come back. They share a business and must see one another nearly every day. She shared that he won’t let it go and it’s making it very difficult for her to work with him.
The reason she is so absolute in her denial of his request is because he went around and bad-mouthed her to everyone. He did it to his family, to contractors they work with and other people she comes in contact with professionally, as well as his friends.
She can’t even fathom looking those people in the eye, knowing the lies he told about her, especially when the breakup was because of issues he had and refused to face. He left and proceeded to bad-mouth her to deflect his own responsibility.
Proper communication in a relationship is crucial but it can’t happen if one person doesn’t respect the other. Most people have no idea how to effectively have a disagreement so that something can be resolved. They yell and put one another down, usually both at the same time so nobody is heard.
Contempt builds because negative things were said, and they hurt. When you pound a nail into a piece of wood, it makes a hole you can’t repair. Sure, you can put some putty in it, but it’s never the same. The words you use against someone leave a hole and nothing you can say or do after makes things whole again.
Is it Worth Fixing a Broken Relationship? | Cheating
Cheating breaks another crucial element in a relationship, trust. There are a variety of reasons for cheating. The bottom line is that someone wasn’t happy and rather than leave then find someone new, they find someone new first.
Is it worth fixing a broken relationship when cheating is involved? Only you can decide this one. There is no right or wrong. If he comes back and you feel you can begin to build trust again, you have a chance, but if you feel you can’t rebuild that trust, it can’t be repaired. If you do decide to reconcile, seek out couples therapy and allow a professional to help you on your journey to a healthy relationship.
Other Barriers
There are many other barriers in a relationship and many couples overcome them, but it’s up to you to decide whether you can or not. A few of these include:
- Religious differences
- Cultural differences
- Distance
- Long-term goals
- Values
- Strong opposing political views
- Even cat person vs dog person can undo a relationship
Nobody is at fault with these, they just are. If you really want to work things out, talk things over and come to a compromise. You and your ex are in the driver’s seat and if you both want it to work, you’ll find a way.
Is it Worth Fixing a Broken Relationship?
Does your relationship fall into one of these categories? If it does, is it one where compromise or couples therapy might help? If so, then yes, you can fix it.
Remember, you broke up because something was broken. A reconciliation is really the beginning of a new relationship, not a continuation of the old. That one ended.
To move forward and be happy, you might need to face the reality that your relationship can’t be fixed. If so, work through the first three steps of the Five Steps and then get back out there. Find yourself a guy who is worthy of you. You deserve it!
I know right now it seems as if your world may end and your heart is breaking, especially if you’ve come to realize you can’t fix it, but with time, you will feel better and in the long run, you’ll be happier! I promise.
