What happens to your body after a breakup? Science (Fisher 2004) has some good news! What you’re experiencing isn’t your imagination. You feel crappy and now you can learn why.
Your body has both a physical and chemical reaction to a breakup. You’re addicted to love hormones and your mind will do anything it can to trick you into feeling those love hormones.
What Happens to Your Body Chemistry After a Breakup?
When you’re happy and in love, your body produces higher than normal quantities of what we’ll call happy neurotransmitters: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. You’ve probably heard of these. Dr. Helen Fisher says it’s harder to overcome an addiction to happy neurotransmitters than to overcome an addiction to cocaine.
What happens to your body after a breakup is neurotransmitter withdrawal. It exhibits itself in how you feel physical pain more intensely and seek out activities to boost dopamine levels, like binge eating, shopping and being promiscuous.
This explains why you go for comfort food or desire a hookup after a breakup. Without knowing why you’re doing these things, you engage in them because they make you feel better, even temporarily. Now that you know, curtail harmful activities.
What Happens to Your Body after a Breakup | Loss of Appetite
Another reaction is a loss of appetite, which indicates you may be sliding into a depression. Sleepless nights happen when you fixate on the happy moments of your relationship or the breakup itself.
I need say one critical thing. If you can’t get out of bed, you can’t stop crying, or you just feel terribly down in the dumps, you need to seek professional counseling. Reading an article or a book won’t pull you out of it. This article will help you some, but you can’t focus on what you’re reading here when your body is reacting in that way. And please, if you feel suicidal, go to an emergency room. They are equipped to help, even if you think you can’t afford it. They will care for you.
Stress Hormones & Chemicals
When you experience a breakup, you feel a higher level of stress than normal. Stress releases cortisol, a chemical responsible for increasing your heart rate, among other things. It’s often called the stress hormone that activates fight or flight. When fight or flight triggers, cortisol takes a few minutes to kick in, versus the other fight or flight chemicals which kick in immediately. Regardless, the impact on your body cannot be ignored.
Cortisol is responsible for regulating your blood pressure, the level of fluids in your body, your sex drive, your immune and digestive systems, and growth. You’re most likely past the growth stage of your life, but the remaining systems are all impacted no matter what your age.
While these chemical reactions are helpful in fight or flight mode, they’re not healthy when your body maintains a higher than normal level of them due to ongoing stress.
Too much cortisol over an extended period of time can lead to obesity, decreased sex drive, a depleted immune system, increased blood pressure and blood sugar levels, not to mention acne.
What Happens to Your Body After a Breakup: Emotional Reactions
Your identity was as part of a couple. Before, your friends probably didn’t say you, they said you guys when they included you in an invitation or conversation.
Now, you’re just you again and every time someone trips over it, it’s like a stab to the heart.
It’s time to reidentify who you are, and this isn’t just an issue with the use of the word you instead of you guys. It goes deeper.
Your Values Change
Your values are different than they were in your relationship. Values change as our lives change. When you were together, you valued going out on Sunday morning for brunch at a favorite hole-in-the-wall spot. But, what do you do with that time now? Fill that time with something positive. For example, volunteer somewhere or find a friend to hang out with. Use that time to work on a new hobby or revive an old one.
You Experience Emotional Trauma
You also face the emotional trauma and physical changes associated with letting go of the love you had for him.
Even if you want him back, you must deal with them those emotions. They’re difficult to let go of because your mind works against you to keep those chemicals flowing.
You miss is your emotional support system. You were able to support one another when something got to be challenging. If he was your only support system, you may really be feeling despair. Who are you leaning on? Who can you tap into for your emotional support system?
Find someone – a sister, an aunt, your mother, a good friend. It doesn’t even matter. Make it a guy who exists in the friend zone, as long as it doesn’t turn into friends with benefits!
What Does It Mean?
Understand that what happens to your body after a breakup is normal. This chemical reaction to the breakup is playing tricks on your mind and body, leaving you physically and emotionally drained.
You’re experiencing real physical reactions to losing your guy and that, combined with the emotional reactions has you in a pickle.
Your friends and family probably say, “You just need to move on” or they ask, “Why can’t you just let go of it?” Now, you know why. You’re addicted to love!
What Can You Do?
Understand What You Feel
Gain a full understanding of what you’re experiencing. Tap into the stages of grieving a relationship so you understand how you’re navigating this breakup and what to do about it.
You aren’t going crazy and there’s nothing seriously wrong with you.
You’re already experiencing these reactions and just didn’t know what it was – withdrawal from love. The desire to binge eat or a lack of appetite are both normal responses to emotional pain. Stubbing your toe on the dresser last week did hurt more intensely than you think it should have because your chemicals are all out of whack.
Acknowledge that your brain is addicted to happy chemicals to overcome this challenging addiction.
Don’t Stuff the Pain Down
Allow yourself to feel the pain, the anxiety and heartbreak. The only way to stop the pain is to feel it and move through it. It might seem like a good idea to stuff it and ignore it, but this will lead to feeling bad longer and you still need to deal with it.
When your friends and family encourage you to move on or get over it. Kindly tell them you’re moving through this process at your own pace, not theirs, and thank them for their concern.
Nobody can feel your pain for you, and nobody can make it go away, nor can they understand what you’re feeling today.
You feel you’ll never feel normal again, but you will. The more you understand what you’re feeling, the better armed you are to feel better.
You can spend hours looking for stories about people who have overcome incredible odds to achieve the impossible. I’ll save you the trouble and share with you what they all have in common. It goes something like this, “but they were unwilling to accept that their situation was impossible.”
Modify Your Mindset
Mindset is everything. Have a positive mindset and understand that you can control your thoughts and emotions. Develop the resolve to push through the difficult days because brighter days are just over the horizon.
Try using a journal. Write in it daily. Look back every few days to see what you’re writing about. Catch consistent negative thoughts like, “I just can’t do this” and replace them with positive opposites. Even if you don’t believe them right away, start using them! Try these on for size:
- I can get through this
- I can love again
- I’m lovable
- I deserve to be happy
- I can feel this pain and be okay
Even if you don’t really feel it, you need to say it over and over to yourself as many times as it takes. When you hear “I can’t”, jump in there with “I can!!!” I know you don’t believe any of this today and you doubt that this will work for you, but what do you have to lose? Pain, anguish, despair? Sounds good to me!
