You’re working through the Five Step Process to Get Him Back and now you’re wondering if there are signs your ex may want you back.
Of course, you’re hopeful and you’ve been doing all the work to get him back, but you’re still not sure. It’s understandable. Reading the cues of someone else, especially if they’re communicating through texts, can be tricky.
Should You Take Him Back?
The first thing to ask yourself is whether you should take him back. You can’t truly make this decision unless a few things have happened.
You’ve Completed Step Three – or At Least Two
Step Two of the Five Step Process is to evaluate the breakup. This is important to do before you consider getting back together with him because you need to understand the why.
In Step Two, you:
- Discover relationship dealbreakers
- Learn the #1 cause of most breakups
- Remove him from his pedestal
- Learn what he’s thinking right now
- Get honest about your feelings
- Learn how he may have lied about the reasons for the breakup
- Deciding if you miss him or just someone
- Evaluating if he’s healthy enough for a relationship and capable of love
- Uncovering your role in the breakup
That’s why Step Two is so important in the process of deciding whether to take him back.
In Step Three, you work on rebuilding your confidence. It’s after Step Three that many women decide they don’t want their ex back. This doesn’t mean you need to make that decision, but some do.
You’re in a Different Place
Working through the steps helps you move to a different place than you were in before the breakup. Something between the two of you broke, leading to the breakup. If the two of you get back together without making any positive changes, the same thing will happen again…and again…and again.
That’s why couples often cycle in and out of relationships. Nobody changes for the better so they just keep rehashing the same mistakes.
While neither of us can control him, you do control you. If you feel you’ve made positive changes and feel confident that you still want him back, then go for it, as long as he’s showing the signs you’ll find below.
Enough Time Has Passed Since the Breakup
Getting back together too soon is not advisable. When a guy breaks up with a woman, he usually has a lot of negative feelings about her and the relationship. He needs time to process those negative feelings and have positive feelings again.
Additionally, if he hasn’t had enough time to truly miss you yet, it’s too soon.
When a guy goes into a breakup, he usually thinks he’ll be inundated with women who want to date him. At some point, sooner for some, he realizes women aren’t knocking down his door and he feels lonely.
A guy will sometimes keep in touch even after a breakup. The basic reason for this is that you’re his Plan B. If his single’s life doesn’t work out, he plans to use you as his fallback plan. You don’t just want to be his fallback plan. You want him to come back because he’s seen a positive change in you and maybe he’s even made his own positive changes.
You need to allow at least a few weeks to pass before you consider a new relationship with your ex. That gives him enough time to get over the negative feelings, make any positive changes he might make, and miss you.
He’s Willing to Say “I Want to Get Back Together”
Your ex needs to be able to verbally state his intentions. He can’t just dance around the topic and hope you get it. He needs to say, “I want to talk about getting back together. What do you think?”
This shows you he’s willing to open the door to a new future and to put himself in a bit of a vulnerable position for the sake of the relationship. He’s definitely putting himself on the line to ask and if he’s willing to do that, he’s probably serious.
Signs Your Ex May Want You Back
Now that we have that out of the way, we can look at the signs your ex may want you back. Remember, just because he wants you back doesn’t mean you have to go back. If you’ve made a decision not to reconcile, don’t let him talk you into it.
But if you think you’re both ready, here are your signs.
Signs Your Ex May Want You Back | He Takes Responsibility for His Role in the Breakup
Ultimately, you need to do this too. A breakup is never the fault of one person, even if the reason was infidelity. When your ex reaches out and takes responsibility for his role, it shows he values you and the relationship you had together.
This is a big positive change in him and you should consider it a good sign.
He’s Reaching Out to You
If he’s texting you and his texts are meaningful, he’s probably interested in a reconciliation. If he’s asking questions like, “How are things at work?” or “How’s your mom’s chemo going?”, he’s interested in you and not just lonely.
If, however, the texts are more like, “What’s up?” or “What’s going on with you?”, he’s just fishing and probably lonely. That doesn’t mean he wants you back so look for other signs.
Another positive sign if he reaches out to you is if he shares things about his life. If he shares personal details or things that are important to him, he may be trying to make a more romantic connection.
He’s Jealous or Asking About Your Dating Life
A guy who’s interested in rekindling something with you might be a little jealous if he finds out you’re dating. This is one of the tools I suggest in your arsenal. Let him at least think you’re dating other men. A guy who wants you back will become jealous, often to his own surprise.
He may take a different path and ask about your current dating life. He’s checking to see if you’re available and how invested you are in other men. If you tell him you’re dating and he wishes you well, he’s not interested, but if he seems like he’s looking for you to be single, chances are it’s a sign your ex may want you back.
He may also share that he’s currently single as a way of letting you know the door is open to rekindle something.
He’s Sharing Fond Memories
In Step One, and again in Step Four, I encourage you to share a fond memory with your ex as a way of keeping on his radar and letting him know you’re still there.
If he is the one sharing fond memories with you, he wants to make more! By dropping these memories, he’s hinting at a desire to get back together but he’s not sure how you’ll feel.
Signs Your Ex May Want You Back | He’s in Tune with Your Social Media
If you didn’t block him when you implemented the no-contact rule, he can see what’s going on in your life. While he may be watching and still be disinterested in getting back together, if he starts liking your stuff again, he’s probably interested in stirring something up again.
He Finds Random Reasons to Talk to You
Depending on how long you were together before the breakup, he might know your schedule pretty well. If he decides he wants to get back together with you, he may accidentally bump into you at the coffee shop or gym.
This probably isn’t the accident he’d like you to think it is, especially if he tries to talk to you. He may also reach out by text in the same way you learn in Step Four.
“I was just eating pizza from Borgata and it made me think of you” or “Do you remember the name of that Thai place we went to last winter?”
He’s In No Hurry for His Stuff
You probably left stuff at his place and he probably has stuff at yours. A guy who’s done will ask for his stuff back, but if he seems wary of coming after it, it’s one of the signs your ex may want you back.
He’s leaving the door to the future open by always having that fallback reason to contact you.
Signs Your Ex May Want You Back | He Mentions a Recent Breakup
Many men date after a breakup because they don’t know how to manage the emotions of the breakup. Those rebound relationships usually don’t last because he’s not in it for the right reasons.
If he mentions that he recently broke up with someone, he’s testing the waters to see if you’re still interested. Often what happens is that the breakup jars some memories of your relationship in his mind and he starts realizing what he lost.
He Shares How Well He’s Doing
If he knows he needed to do some work on himself, he might share those positive changes with you as a way to let you know he’s trying.
This is a positive sign, and one of the best signs your ex may want you back. Both of you making positive changes will increase your odds of success, should you decide to try another relationship together.
This is another excellent sign that he’s ready to talk about a reconciliation. Admitting his mistakes is a big step and shows that you’ve been on his mind. He’s done some reflecting on what he did wrong, and he wants to make things right between you.
Even if you decide you don’t want him back, it might be a good step toward closure to allow him to deliver his apology. It puts a final stamp on things if that’s what you want.
Signs Your Ex May Want You Back | He Asks to Discuss the Breakup
This is another sign of personal growth and his desire to get back together. He’s being considerate about your feelings by asking to have the discussion.
By asking for permission, he’s showing respect for you, your feelings, and your boundaries. He’s respecting your time and being careful with your emotions.
He Reaches Out to You for Support
You were once a support system for one another. If he experiences something difficult, he may reach out to you for support again. He feels vulnerable, but he also feels comfortable still sharing that vulnerability with you.
This is a sign he’s interested in rekindling your relationship, but it also could mean he just doesn’t have anyone else to turn to. Only you will know when you talk with him which is the case.
He Can’t Resist Touching You
If you bump into your guy and he can’t resist touching you, he’s showing that he still feels connected to you. Beware of whether he’s doing it out of habit or because he wants you back. If he finds you irresistible, he’s probably looking for a reconciliation.
Touches that count include more intimate touches, like gently touching your cheek or swiping your hair off your face. He might gently place his hand at the small of your back, a protective measure and one that shows caring.
Additionally, he might share details about his life with your friends and family as a ‘roundabout way to let you know what he’s up to.
Signs Your Ex May Want You Back | He Drunk Texts You
They say that what you say when you’re drunk is your sober truth, so if he’s reaching out when he’s drunk, there might be something to it.
Alcohol forces you to be honest with your emotions whether you like it or not. Reaching out when he’s drunk indicates you’re on his mind and the lowered inhibitions allow him to reach out when he might be afraid to sober.
The warning is when this occurs frequently. First, it’s an indicator that he may be avoiding his problems instead of facing them. Secondly, he’s drinking a lot and that’s a sign of self-medicating depressed feelings.
He Stops Focusing on the Past
A guy who spends more time talking about your potential future than your past is showing some good signs of wanting you back.
Science tells us that most people spend 80% of their time imagining the future when they’re relaxed. If he’s feeling relaxed enough to talk to you about the future, he’s moved past the problems of the relationship.
He Jokes About Liking You Again
It’s a rare man who jokes about liking you again when he doesn’t. He’s not being more direct because he’s afraid of your response. He wants to know before he makes the plunge whether his request to reconcile will be welcome.
If you react positively, he feels confident in his chances, but if you react negatively, he can retreat without bruising his ego too much. He can laugh it off and walk away with minimal embarrassment.
Signs Your Ex May Want You Back | He Compliments You
The compliment you’re looking for here isn’t a basic compliment, but one that’s subtle. He might notice a change in your hairstyle or something positive about dating you in the past.
It might not even come as a compliment, but as a statement that he recognizes some change you’ve made. He’s paying attention and he likes what he sees, but even more importantly, he wants you to know it.
He’s Posting Messages to You on Social Media – Indirectly
You’re scrolling through is social media posts and you see a quote or song lyrics that means something to you as a couple.
If he’s doing this, it’s a sign he’s struggling with the breakup and wants you back. He’s looking for your attention but he doesn’t quite know how to approach you about it.
Be careful with this one, though because he could just be reaching out for attention from everyone by showing his sadness.
Signs Your Ex May Want You Back | What Are Your Next Steps
Before you go all in again with your ex, be sure to reread the section on whether you should take him back. Review the relationship dealbreakers and make sure none of them apply to your past relationship.
If you’ve completed Step Three of the Five Step Process and you still want him back, you’re good to go, but there are a couple of things to know first.
This is a New Relationship
Many couples try to jump right back into their relationship where they left off. If you were living together but now aren’t, don’t move back in together right away.
Remember, that old relationship was broken. You don’t want that relationship back. You want a new, better relationship, which means taking your time.
Get to know one another again, even if it’s just been a few weeks. You’ve changed and he may have as well. Who are you now, compared to before the breakup?
Date one another again and work your way back into this new relationship just as if you were a new couple dating for the first time.
It May Still End
You may spend time getting to know one another again only to discover that the changes you’ve both made have distanced you instead of bringing you closer together.
You might have gotten in touch with your core values, set new boundaries, or just built more confidence and the two of you just don’t fit, no matter how much you wish you did.
Don’t ignore these signals. You can part ways as friends and salvage that relationship while letting the romantic relationship go.